Conversations with My Neighbor - 1
A strange encounter in the late afternoon
Except for the continuous sound of clock-ticking and page-turning which occurs from time to time, there’s barely anything else that breaks the silence. It’s almost 4 PM but the outside is darker than usually it’s supposed to be in this season. It is getting colder and the rain is the last thing I want on a day like this.
We’ve recently moved houses and this is just my third day in the new neighborhood. Having been a pluviophile, there are some days I crave rain for the entire day. I’m always grateful to nature for the calmness rain brings me every time it showers the earth profusely. However, I know for a fact that on a day like this, that calmness creates space for my most cherished memories of the small town I used to live previously. With that, inevitably come the nostalgic feelings that make me want to do nothing but take long walks. But I don’t want to dwell on the past in a new environment like this. I guess I don’t owe this new atmosphere that much yet.
It’s already been twenty minutes since I got to this particular house which is about a hundred meters away from mine. So far, the woman, or I would say the girl who is sitting across from me has barely spoken to me. It seems like she is really hooked on the book she is reading right now.
LIFE AFTER LIFE BY RAYMOND A. MOODY
It takes me another few minutes to notice the title of the book which is kind of an unusual incident. Generally, when I see someone near me with a book, I get this urge to know what he or she is reading though I’m always the last person to ask. But I’m always the first person to try to catch a glimpse of the title. Maybe in this case it’s the beauty of the book holder that has been distracting me for so long.
Finally, she takes her eyes off the book and looks at me. There is slight guilt on her face.
“Sorry I totally got distracted.” She says casually.
I manage a smile. I’m sure the effort I put into it must have shown my self-conscious nature when it comes to certain things.
“It’s fine. Actually, I was scanning your bookshelf over there.” I shamelessly try to break the ice with a lie.
She looks at the bookshelf that is about fifteen feet away and turns towards me again.
“Is it just the furniture you are interested in? Or were you checking out the books?”
I can’t exactly tell whether it’s a real question or mockery. Also, her face doesn’t betray any feelings.
“Of course, it was books.”
She raises an eyebrow.
“Where you come from, do people scan books while sitting a few yards away from them, dear?”
Strangely, I don’t feel uncomfortable with the way she handles her words. I’ve got a stutter since birth and whenever I’m in front of an attractive lady, that condition worsens. Maybe my intuition conveys to me the fact that she is not the person who could be rude to a guest in her own house.
“Well, inviting people to the house and making them wait till you finish certain things is your way of welcoming guests to the neighborhood?”
My strong comeback brings a smile to her face. It’s quite spontaneous and for a moment she sort of looks like a player who admires the skills of her opponent. Most importantly, I can’t believe I still want to stay there and chat with this lady. It’s been a while since I stopped trying to impress people. Usually, I try my best to avoid people who have a taste of words like hers for the very first conversation even if they were Cleopatra or Queen of Sheba.
“I would have answered that question if you answered mine. Since you skipped that part, let me ask this. Is leaving everything to parents not even bothering to send a proper excuse for not showing up when the whole family is invited your way of being social?”
I can’t help but blink fast. I wonder how she could even keep track of her own words.
“I’m sorry I should have come last night. My parents said that the dinner was really something.” I try to sound guilty. Also, I blame myself for being dishonest for the second time during this conversation. Most importantly, I’m afraid she might catch my lies. Still, I feel like it’s too early to let her know that I’m an introvert and there are some other reasons which make me less social.
“Honestly, I don’t feel like I should tell you that I appreciate your apology. In fact, I think I deserve an apology because we, especially I put so much effort into that dinner and everything. If I knew that there’s gonna be only two, things would have been easier. At least, I hope you enjoyed the food. After all, we sent you some leftovers?”
“They were really delicious. In fact, that chocolate cake was terrific. Thank you so much for that.” I talk on autopilot. Once again, I’m in a situation where I’ve got to struggle to separate mockery from seriousness. Most importantly, I feel like this is the moment for thinking of a better exit strategy.
“And honestly, you shouldn’t have bothered that much. However, I really appreciate your kind gesture.”
“Well,” Her lips make this certain shape before she speaks. “As hospitable people, we make sure people feel at home when they are around us. Plus, as a heterosexual woman, I have the right to get excited when I heard about this attractive guy who is gonna move to our neighborhood.”
Now it’s my turn to smile and actually, it happens effortlessly.
“Our entire family is really grateful to you for everything. But I’m really sorry to disappoint you regarding the latter. Especially, the “attractive” part.”
Her face doesn’t change. At least, she doesn’t even blink. I feel like I’ve been in her living room more than I should be.
“Anyway, I’m really sorry to have bothered you. I think I should get going.” I say stoically while rising from the chair.
However, she doesn’t even bother to stand up. She stares at me for a moment and begins to speak again in a slightly cold tone.
“Was there any special reason for you to be here in the first place?”
I kind of wish I didn’t come here. The thing is, I still can’t figure out whether she is speaking her mind or she is teasing. Also, her body language doesn’t betray anything. After all, as most of my close ones say, I’m really bad at picking up on signs. However, one good thing I’ve learned during my thirty years on this earth is, spending too much time on such dilemmas is really useless.
Now I have only one intention in my mind. That is to leave this place looking like a confused person rather than a helpless one.
But still, I owe her some answers.
“Actually, your parents had called my home. They had told my parents that they’d like to see me this afternoon.”
“Oh! I see, actually, they were even not here when I got home. Maybe they went out and forgot to let you know about it. I even tried their mobile phones but nobody answered.”
She looks somewhat concerned but it doesn’t look like she feels bad about keeping me waiting.
“It’s totally fine,” I say heading to the door. “I’ve got all the time in the world. Let them know that I was here.”
I really want to think that I’m in one of those weird dreams. Yet it seems like things are not going to be in my favor today.
Halfway on their driveway, I hear her giggling. I shake my head trying to forget what I went through a few minutes ago.
When I put my hand on the gate, I hear the footsteps approach behind me. Footsteps of someone who is in quite a hurry!
In that instance, I take a vow not to look back and act like nothing happened. When the gate is half-open, I feel her hand on my shoulder.
“Oh my God! You are unbelievable.” She says pulling my arm making me turn towards her. I feel frozen when my eyes meet hers unexpectedly. Of course, she can’t help but laugh. There is this enchanting brightness in her eyes. But I can clearly see surprise, confusion, and genuine concern in them this time.
While she was being rude to me very “cleverly”, I felt less uncomfortable.
Now she has completely transformed even though I’m at a loss for words.
“Roshan, honey, I was just joking.” She closes the gate with one hand while holding my hand with the other. Her addressing me by my name catches me off guard.
“Oh, dear! Honestly, didn’t mean to make you that uncomfortable. I’m really sorry. I mean, didn’t you even realize for a moment that I was just messing around? I even used some really dramatic lines.”
I can’t help but keep looking at her for a few moments. It’s not like I’ve suddenly had some courage to be less shy.
Unlike me, if she is good enough, she is going to notice disbelief in my eyes.
“Actually, mum and dad had to visit grandma. She has forgotten to take the pill for cholesterol this morning. She called and said that she wasn’t feeling well. Before leaving, they told me to expect you.”
“How is your grandmother? Is she doing okay now?”
“Of course she is.” She lets go of my hand to check her phone.
I’m in desperate need to get out of this property and have a breath of fresh air to get over the awkward experience I just had. But some inner thing tells me not to walk away on her.
“By the way, if you were really teasing back there, all I’ve got to say is you are a damn good actress.”
She puts her phone back in one of her jean pockets and looks at me in a playful manner while I try to make some conversation.
“Maybe it’s the obvious conclusion. But what else can you see? Don’t you feel like you are missing the most significant thing?”
“Like what?”
“That you are so easy to fool.” She says giving me a pat on my arm. And her lighthearted laugh continues. It seems like it’s difficult for her to get over humor easily.
I genuinely struggle to find words. Fortunately, she is in the mood to carry on without expecting much from me.
“You must be either a very polite person or a complete masochist to put up with everything that happened back in the house.”
Wow! This girl’s got a way with words. And she speaks her mind as if everybody else had grown a tolerance for her.
“Maybe I just had a really bad day,” I say looking at the road in front of us. The truth is, I haven’t been doing okay since the day we moved here. I’m not that good at adapting to new environments quickly. However, I don’t want her to feel my vulnerability. After all, if she came up with those usual phrases people use to cheer people up, things are going to worsen.
“Please take it easy, Roshan, I’m really sorry I went overboard with my craziness. I really…..”
“As I said earlier, it’s totally fine.” I cut her off trying to act normal. “It’s not your fault. I’ve just got some stuff going on. But I’ll see you around.”
When I’m going to reach out for the gate she quickly stands between me and the exit.
“Well, dear, please don’t go.” She blinks. At the same time, she begins to look really worried. “I mean, if you really want to leave right now, I totally get it. After all, I just screwed up everything. But at least let me offer you some tea.”
I pretend to check the time while measuring my situation. I hope she has enough sense to realize how awkward it is for me to go back there.
“Oh come on,” As if she read my mind, she pulls my hand trying to take me back to the house. I can clearly see the pleading in her eyes this time.
I reluctantly walk back to the house with her.
It’s been more than half an hour since my dramatic “return” to our neighbor’s living room. Surprisingly, things are moving forward really smoothly. She is an excellent conversationalist and most importantly, she can do magic with tea and homemade snacks.
Simply put, I can safely say that I was an idiot to bail on their dinner.
We talk about various stuff including books, movies, psychology, and even politics. I quickly notice her ability to articulate things regarding current affairs. I highly admire her ability silently. I feel like still, it’s too early to throw verbal praises.
Eventually, our talk directs towards the book she was reading earlier.
She asks me whether I’ve read it before. I tell her that I’ve had a look at it before even though I didn’t get the chance to complete it.
“Actually, I think I could finish it by tomorrow. I’ll bring it to you.”
“You don’t have to bother,” I tell looking at the book on the sofa. “Just give me a ring.”
She picks the book beside her and hands it over to me.
While I’m randomly looking at certain chapters, I begin to recall reading the content in them many years ago.
“So, how is it working for you so far? I mean, when I saw the way you were reading it, I thought it had really grown on you.”
Before saying anything, she keeps looking at the book in my hands for a few seconds.
“Well, isn’t it human nature to cling to things that seem out of ordinary? Most of us have had to live very boring, busy lives. So, personally, books like these are a drug.”
I’m taken aback by her reply. I’m in awe of her talent to speak her mind without offending certain beliefs.
“Does this mean you don’t believe these things necessarily?”
“You mean, things like reincarnation and paranormal?” She asks reluctantly.
“Well, honey,” She kind of sounds apologetic when she begins to speak. “I’d say I’m more of a skeptic.”
I feel bad about making her uncomfortable by asking her opinion on things. Clearly, she doesn’t want to make me look irrational.
I put the book away and look at her with a smile.
“No offense, Roshan, I’m not trying to generalize anything. But I have to say that you have the look of someone who believes in these things.”
Well, according to my experience someone doesn’t have to be superbly observant to figure out that I’m a dreamer when it comes to certain things. But if my memory serves me well, this is the first time someone made a correct assumption regarding my opinion on “such” things.
“I don’t know how but you got it right. I’m a believer.”
She leans on the sofa and looks at me directly. For a moment her face looks so thoughtful that I doubt if she can even see me even if I’m right in front of her.
“Can I ask something? And let me make this perfectly clear. This is not like I’m judging you or trying to measure your IQ since you tend to believe things that haven’t been proven yet. Actually, I kind of expect some help from you.”
I also lean back on the chair.
“Be my guest. If I thought that you were someone who is too quick to judge, I’d never talk about this book with you.”
“Thanks, Roshan,” She sighs in relief.
“My question is, why? What made you a believer? Is this because of the societal programming in South Asian countries like ours? Have you ever questioned your own ideas?”
Her tone makes me realize that she is genuinely interested in knowing about my thought process. She looks like someone who doesn’t want to hide her curiosity.
I aimlessly take my eyes around the room while trying to relax. In a moment, my eyes are set on her college graduation photo. She looks happy but determined in there. I really don’t know how it feels to graduate from a university because I haven’t done it yet. But I genuinely feel happy for her.
“For your information, I’m a lawyer.” Her voice brings me back to my senses.
Her look shifts from me to the picture When I pay my attention to her.
“Actually, that explains many things.” I sincerely don’t intend to mock her by saying so.
“To be precise, I’m training to be a prosecutor.” She adds a little bit later.
“Well, that ties up all the loose ends,” I say smiling. I don’t want her to think that I feel like I have to walk on eggshells when I’m around her just because of her profession.
“You took it really well.” She sounds relieved.
“Anyway, speaking of my question, I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable by asking that.”
I look at the book beside me once again. Various thoughts begin to flood my mind.
“Let me put it this way. How old were you when the tsunami hit Sri Lanka in 2004?”
“I was twelve.” Her answer is quicker than I expected. “And I must say, that may be one of the best tricks someone has ever used to know my age.”
“I’ll take it as a compliment. Anyway, I was thirteen at that time. My point is, had you even heard of the word “Tsunami” before 2004?”
“Honestly not.”
“Don’t you find it a little bit strange? Our country is surrounded by sea. Also, the inventors of the term, Japanese are also Asian. Yet, it took both of us the first decade of our lives to get to know the word.”
She doesn’t utter a word. However, by the look on her face, I can say that she is interested in where this is going.
“I mean, throughout our education, we were taught about volcanoes, earthquakes, and other things that have very minor to zero effect on our local lives. But still, we had been blind to the danger in plain sight.”
I pause for a moment expecting something from her. She looks absolutely calm and what she is displaying at the moment is a whole different shade. I really don’t think this is her courtroom persona either. Also, I resist my urge to joke with her by asking if she minored in acting.
“Keep going.” She barely opens her mouth to speak.
“My point is, one might have witnessed the still sea for his or her entire lifetime. Also, a few generations before them may not have witnessed the sea getting violent. Since our experiences reinforce things in us, with time he or she would tend to overlook things like legends and folktales about sea conquering the land. However, if someone comes to a conclusion that the sea is gonna stay forever like the way it is solely based on the observations within their grasp, I personally don’t consider it wise. After all, even in that stillness, someone who looks carefully can notice the signs of aggressiveness.”
I love the way her facial expressions change. Having been a less verbal person, I have no idea how I pulled it off so easily. Probably, someone like her is not going to consider my lines a convincing argument. And I’m not delusional enough to keep my hopes high.
“Actually, your explanation is pretty good. I’d say it was close enough.” She tells at the end.
“Oh man, seems that I’d have to try harder. A “fair enough” is what I was really looking for.”
“Mmm, that’s all you are getting for today, honey,”
Even if she said so, I can clearly see that she admires my jest.
“Everything is based on one’s perspective. In that way, I have no right to judge someone for who they are.”
“I think everything is based on circumstances,” I say calmly.
“Isn’t it perspective that makes circumstances look as they are?”
She doesn’t look like somebody who is going for a debate. But she doesn’t seem to be looking for clarification either.
“Isn’t it circumstances that make the perspective as it is?”
I really hope I don’t sound challenging. After all, going toe-to-toe with a lawyer in a conversation is not even on my bucket list.
“Roshan, are you planning to become a lawyer someday? Tell me if you are because I can warn my colleagues in advance.” She says with a really easygoing attitude. There is both humor and seriousness in her expression.
“I suck at debating. I’m talking to you like this since you’ve been really cool. I’m not good at being verbal when it comes to most situations.”
“Nobody has to try to be everything, honey, and I’m glad I could make you feel at home.”
I check the time. It’s almost 6.30.
“Since you’ve been really nice to me, can I say a couple of things before getting out of your hair?” I ask because I want to make a few things right before leaving.
“Nobody is telling you to go but go ahead, shoot.”
“First of all, I feel like an idiot for skipping the dinner that night.”
I hesitate a little before delivering the next line which is the most crucial.
“But I can’t say I feel sorry about that. If I said so, that’ll be a lie.”
When a man looks stoic effortlessly, there’s really something in it. However, when a woman does the same it’s above and beyond. That’s what I feel when I’m watching her at the moment.
“I mean, I have my own reasons. But I assure you, none of them are related to you or your family. I wish I could be more specific.”
“It’s totally okay, Roshan,” She responds quickly. Also, her tone is somewhat empathetic.
“I have all the time in the world so, whenever you are ready. Most importantly, you don’t owe me an explanation. But I’m sure about one thing. Whatever those reasons are, they are valid. So, feel free to let go of this dinner thing. When you got here, I was in the mood to get under somebody’s skin for fun. That’s what all the teasing is about and I’m really sorry. It’s a really bad habit.”
“Thanks,” I say without trying to contain my laugh.
Then, comes that silence which usually reminds the individuals in a conversation that it’s time to call it a day.
That’s when I realize that I’ve been ignoring the low sound of drizzle and thunder for a long time.
“By the way, I still don’t know your name even if you knew mine.”
“It’s Shiromi.” She tells with a shine in her eyes.
